


Dildos, Cheese Puffs and Isabelle Archer

by Missy



Category: Golden Girls
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Humor, Podcast, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: The girls start a podcast, but argue about what its subject matter should be.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26
Collections: Yuletide Madness 2020





	Dildos, Cheese Puffs and Isabelle Archer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thinlizzy2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinlizzy2/gifts).



Blanche grinned and leaned closer to the microphone they’d set up on their kitchen table. “Hello, and welcome to Blanche’ s Boudoir. I’m Blanche Deveraux, and you’re oh so welcome to enter my bedroom…” 

“All right, cut,” Dorothy said, pressing a button on the laptop she’d gotten when Rose had come up with this get rich quick scheme. “We have to think of a fresh angle. If we go with this one, our ad revenue will be completely decimated.”

“Not if we get into bed with some adult novelty companies,” Blanche pouted.

“Just what I always wanted to do,” Sophia said from the stove. “Live with a bunch of dildos that _don’t_ talk.”

Blanche snorted at Sophia’s joke while Dorothy squirmed. “I still think we should go with a book review podcast,” Dorothy said.

“Oh come on,” Blanche said. “Do you think people will sit still as you go on for hours about that woman from that Henry James book you just read? Isabeau Belcher?”

“Her name is Isabelle Archer and she was a saint!” snapped Dorothy.

“People like sex, Dorothy! They don’t like dusty novels! Unless they’re those dirty letters that James Joyce sent to his wife,” said Blanche.

“People like three things – sex, food and religion,” said Sophia. “If we’re turning down sex, it’s one or the other two.”

“Why not go with food?” Rose suggested. “We all know how to cook to some degree!”

“The market is saturated,” said Dorothy. 

“Market shmarket,” said Sophia. “None of them make meatballs like I do.”

“But people won’t be able to taste them over the internet,” Dorothy pointed out.

“And what would I get to do on it?” asked Blanche.

“You could moan into the microphone,” Dorothy said dryly.

“This is why I suggested a whole podcast about Scandinavian folk tales!” said Rose. “I could fill twelve hours alone talking about Gladys, the Girl Who Fell in Love with a Butter Sculpture.”

“Shut up, Rose,” Dorothy and Blanche said, together and automatically.

“Why don’t we do something even simpler?” asked Sophia.

“What?” Blanche asked.

“This! The four of us sit together with some cheesecake and we talk about life, then we put it online.” 

There was a pause. “Well, I can’t say the market’s saturated,” Dorothy said.

“And I would get to talk,” Blanche said.

“And we DO have a whole cheesecake from Wolfie’s in the fridge,” said Rose.

“Fine, but we’re going to have to share this microphone,” said Dorothy.

“It’ll be easier than sharing a bed,” said Sophia.

“And THAT is why we should have done an adult-themed podcast!” said Blanche. 

The debate began immediately, the cheesecake emerged from the refrigerator, and somehow Dorothy remembered to press record.


End file.
